Chapter 40-Today Could Be the Day!

Hey Everybody! Two blogs in one month??? Can you believe that ? This time of year always gives me so much to think/talk about.....

This is one of those blog entries where my mothering and teaching overlap. Some of your children will be starting school for the first time this year! Can you believe that? Where did the time go, right? Some of your children will be moving on to the next grade. Some of your babies will be seniors? How can this be? Even still, some of your babies will be headed to college in a few DAYS! What?????

For so many reasons this school year is a special one for me. My sweet nephew will be in Kindergarten. My first class will be seniors in high school. Which is just insane! They should still be little! I am also moving back to second grade.... (my favorite!)

All this is making me reflect on a special story.....

   I was teaching first grade for the first time when I had a student, we will call him Tim. Tim was not from around here. He moved here to live with grandparents, and he had missed a lot of instruction in Kindergarten. Some students come to first grade reading, others are ready to learn to read, and others are a little behind. Tim was one of those kids who needed much more help. He still didn't know all of his letters and hardly any of their sounds. I was a 22-year-old kid who was learning as I taught. Listening to kids read who were improving rapidly was easy and fun. I could see so much growth and immediate improvement. Listening to Tim read was a little different. I'm sure you parents can relate to what it sounds like when a reader is first starting. Sometimes it can be (ah....I hate to say it, but a bit of a chore).

"Th-Th-The d-o-g- dog ru-ru-run-runs-f-f-f-f-a-fa-fa-fa-s-t-fast."

You can feel tempted to help them along, especially if it's late and they still need a bath, teeth brushed, etc.

For most kids, that choppy sentence soon comes out a little smoother and the listening becomes easier.

"The dog ru-runs fa-st-fast."

As a teacher, I was determined to listen to each child read often. I would assess progress and reassign more challenging leveled readers. For my struggling readers, I would listen daily. This was incredibly time consuming, but I could see it paying off. Except with Tim. He just couldn't get it. It was so hard for him to get through even the shortest words. We read together every single day. He would get so upset and frustrated when he missed a letter or sound.
At the end of the year, Tim was still far behind his classmates. I met with his family and cried. It would have been easier to just give him to another teacher. It seemed like he might not ever get it. I had some kids reading small chapter books, some kids reading leveled flat books, and I had Tim. He had learned his alphabet and his sounds, almost. It was time to make a decision. Should I send Tim to another teacher for the next year? I couldn't. I just felt like we weren't finished yet. By this point I had invested hours and hours listening to his reading. He had yet to make it through an entire book.
I kept Tim. I knew we weren't finished. I prayed so much for that child. I knew God had given him to me for a reason, and I couldn't pass him to someone else the next year.
I gathered material for him to work on in the summer. I did my own research all summer long. I learned so much that summer about reading, phonics, and fluency.
In August, there we were. Tim, fifteen other students, and I ready to begin a new year. Tim still struggled. It still took so much time to listen to his reading. I would call other students up and they would breeze through the first flat readers with little trouble. Tim would try, and he would get some words correct. He still was not making it through a reader. Every single day we read. He would hang his head when he missed the words, and I always said the same thing.
"It's ok. We'll try again tomorrow."
And every day we tried.
He started improving slowly, but improving just the same.
Then about January, it happened. This is fourteen months after Tim and I first started reading.....
He was reading a paper book about a fox. I will never forget it. He was getting the words. Sounding them out, calling sight words, and slowly getting them.
"Th-the f-o-x in-s-o-ck-socks is...."
He read the book and as he got to the last page his voice started to shake. He was so excited.
"He-r-a-n in his -s-o-cks-socks."
That was the last sentence. Then the sweetest moment of my teaching career happened.
He looked up at me. His big brown eyes were full of tears. He screamed.
"Today is the DAY! Today is the day that I'm a reader."
It felt like time stopped for just a moment. I will never forget that moment, his eyes, his voice, his excitement. What came so easily for his classmates, what he had worked so hard for, finally he had read a book. I think the book had only nine pages. Each page had one sentence, but it didn't matter. It could have been a novel, all he knew was that he had finished a book with zero help.
It was then and there that I decided there is nothing more important than daily one-on-one time with a child. All those days, hours, paid off. Tim continued to grow. I would love to say he never struggled again, but that is not true. It was always hard for Tim, but he never lost that excitement. He worked hard. He passed that year, and he has passed every year after. He is now in middle school. He never fails to come and hug my neck when I see him out.
Tim has probably forgotten about that day, and he may eventually forget about me. I will never forget that day, and I won't forget about Tim. He taught me so much more than I could have taught him.

If your child is starting preschool, you will have plenty of opportunity to listen to short, choppy reading over the next few years. It can be so easy to put it off or let your mind wander. The best gift you can give your child is your time. Call me crazy, but I have learned fancy workbooks, computers, and rigorous curriculum don't teach kids to read. Someone who is willing to sit and listen is what teaches kids to read.
I hope your child has a great teacher this year. The very best teacher they can have, however, is you.
People call me with questions about reading instruction. It's really no big secret or fancy formula. It's reading. It's reading over and over and over. When you are listening to your child, put your phone down. Stop making a grocery list in your mind. Just listen. Listen closely to the sounds they miss....the ones they get correct every time.... Use that to help you help them. Make sure you soak in those moments. You never know, today could be the day.
K-1st parents-Today could be the day they are a reader....
6th grade parents-Listen carefully as they try out the new instruments in preparation for 6th grade band. After-all today could be the day they are a drummer.
Read bible stories, say prayers, answer biblical questions-Today could be the day they are a Christian.
High school parents-Listen to all the stories they tell you about their newest boyfriend-Today could be the day they fall in love.

You never know. The little things turn into the big things. You look back and you remember the big moments. The true joy comes from being present in all the little moments leading up to those big ones.

I read a quote the other day,
"Our children are only ever lent to us. We never know just how long we will be able to keep them for. So kiss them, cuddle them, praise them, and hold them tightly. Most of all tell them you love them every single day."

This is so true.

Side note- If you are the parent of a struggler, don't give up on them. It may seem like your child will never learn, but that is not true. They will learn. They will grow. It may not be easy, it may not be to the extent you had hoped, but they will learn. If they mess up, then try again tomorrow. If they hang their head in disappointment or frustration, try again tomorrow. Make it very clear to your child that you are willing to listen every............single...........day.

Teaching is a rewarding and challenging job, parenting is much more challenging and even more rewarding.

Love y'all!

I hope you all have a fantastic school year! I'm so excited to meet my next crew of students. Before I know it, I will turn around and they will be graduating. Life sure flies by.

Chapter 39-What if she wasn't?

Hey y'all!!!!!

    I have been thinking about this blog for a while, but I had to find the time to sit down and write it. A busy, potty-trained (Clap for Jesus), on-the-go three year old, summer school, and gallbladder surgery have taken most of my summer.  Tonight, I have time and something to share with you guys.

   As most of you know, I'm an elementary teacher. God has allowed me to make a career out of doing something I love. I used to think becoming a mother would someday make me a better teacher, but the truth is being a teacher makes me a better mother. I see my daughter through different eyes, seasoned eyes. Eyes that have seen.....

   Dani Marie is easy to love. She is bubbly, smart, funny, and sweet. She has a vocabulary that could rival a third grader and her closet is packed full of adorable smocked outfits. Everywhere we go people comment on her pretty dress, beautiful eyes, or ever-present bow. She makes them smile. She is cute and clean, and easy to love.....but what if she wasn't?

   Over the last three years, I have had several moments that completely overtake me. I want to share one of those with you.

  Mini-cheer camp is quite the tradition in our small town. I remember going when I was a little girl. "The real cheerleaders" who are hometown royalty host a fundraiser mini-camp for the little girls. Girls go and spend a day learning a cheer, chant, and dance with the cheerleaders. They can get a t-shirt and even their own pom-poms. For years, I gave out the forms with little thought, until I had a student change my perspective.

 I announced to my students I had mini-cheer camp forms and asked all the girls to come get one. They started talking and giggling and each one made their way to my desk. I overheard two girls talking about the camp and how they were going to order pom-poms this year. They reminisced over how much fun they had the previous year. Then it happened. My attention turned to another little girl. She had the most solemn look on her face. It was almost like a sadness from way down deep. I asked the class to line up for the bathroom, and I stood to make my way to her. She got up, took the form and simply tossed it in the trash on her way out the door. I called her to my desk after we returned and privately asked her about the incident. She told me, "Mrs. Martin that camp cost over $20.00 and that is a lot of money. There is no way I could EVER go to something like that." All the sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't know why this child and this moment, but I had such an epiphany. This would have been Dani Marie.

What if Dani Marie's birth mother had not chosen adoption? She shared with me briefly the one time we met that she wanted to get Dani Marie a better life. I can still hear her exact words to me, "I just can't. I can't bring her into this. I can't take care of her, pay her bills, we already struggle to get by. It's just not a good situation. It's not. I can't bring her into this." She wanted more. She wanted Dani Marie to have a way out. She made sure Dani Marie got a way out.....but what if she didn't?

 Dani Marie would have been sitting in a classroom listening to other girls talk about a cheer camp, dance lessons, or some other event that seems so significant to an eight year old...knowing she would, "never be able to go to something like that." My heart literally ripped. Tears began to pour from my eyes. It took me a few minutes to regain my composure.

 I came home crying and telling Daniel about the ordeal, and he had the perfect solution. He treated the student and her sister to cheer camp. They were beyond excited and soaked up every single minute of the experience. It was such a blessing to see.

 Even in a town like ours, there are kids who go hungry, have never been to the movies, worry about where they will sleep, and learn to accept the reality that they won't "ever be able to do that" when it comes to extra events.

I have met precious souls who went out of their way to provide field trip scholarships, extra supplies, shopped for Angel Tree gifts, and so much more behind the scenes. These people are my heroes. It's easy to look at people who give and think that's great. When you realize that one decision made differently and that child in need would be your own....that's gut check time. That's when those people who give become so much more.

Dani Marie is easy to love. She looks adorable with her pretty blond curls and big, bright blue eyes....but what if she wasn't? Easy to love? What if she was dirty? What if she never had her hair combed much less a large bow. What if she looked dingy or smelled badly? What if she was not bubbly and friendly? What if as a defense mechanism she was cold and pretended not to care? What if she wore too small tattered clothes? What if she were not easy to love?

 There are people who would pass her by without eye contact. There are people who would judge her by the circumstances beyond her control. Then....there are those people who would love her anyway. Those people are my heroes. Are you one of those? Do you grumble at the thought of buying a few extra packs of crayons to share with your child's classmates? Do you discourage your child from being friends with certain children? I hope that none of you do.

 It's hard to believe in a community like ours there are children who don't have enough to eat, never had a sausage biscuit, or even slept in a bed of their own, but it's the case. I have seen it. I know those kids. You know those kids. Some of you maybe even whisper a "Bless their little heart" when you see them. That isn't enough. It's not, because that kid...could easily have been mine. If she wasn't asleep in our house with her twelve Care bears in her princess bedding.....that would be her. And I would hope and pray somebody would care enough to love her anyway.

I'm sure your child is easy to love. I am sure she is clean and adorable, but what if she wasn't? What if he wasn't? This reality has made me a better person. It has made me generous and more compassionate. I want to challenge you when you see a child in need, do more than bless their heart....lend a hand. Do something extra.

Love y'all so much!
Ashlee