Y'all, I have a heavy heart over recent events. I'm getting straight to the point of this blog. My heart is so heavy after hearing of and watching the video of the murder of George Floyd. Yes, I am going there. The Lord has always allowed me to use this blog to share our story, to chronicle the parenting and life of our miracle; this week that involves George Floyd.I was raised to believe that ALL people are created equally. Growing up my parents had friends of other races. I had BEST friends (that I still have to this day) of other races. Now, over the years I have heard people say they "aren't racist" but at the same time they have zero people of color in their circle or lives. I'm not saying "we weren't racist" because I grew up more than that. I grew up in a house where my black friends were welcome and encouraged to spend the night. I swam with, broke bread with, and did daily life with people who didn't look like me. I never heard the "n" word until I was a teenager at school. It was NEVER spoken at my home. I'm so thankful for my parents. I am heartbroken to think about the relationships, life long friendships, I might have missed out on if they had raised me any other way.
Now, my plan for raising Dani Marie was the same. I wanted to raise her in a home where she knew nothing of racism. I wanted her to be oblivious to the fact that there are people who judge and hate based on something as trivial as skin color. I have read her the true stories of heroes I grew up admiring. Ruby Bridges, Dr. King, Harriet Tubman are all names she knows. I have even always been discouraged at the times I have read about Ruby Bridges and her teacher, Barbara Henry, to my students. It always makes me sad that they never know who they are. Black students don't know about the little girl who boldly walked escorted by armed guards into a previously all-white school. They don't know about the amazing teacher who taught only her for nearly a year because the other parents refused to send students to school with Ruby. We are failing at teaching our students about these heroes. We had this covered. Dani Marie has participated and won awards for Black History Month contests. She has friends of all colors. I thought we were doing a great job of raising her and protecting her from racism. I have realized with a heavy heart over the past few days, it's not enough. I am still failing her.
I've created a bubble where she truly believes that everyone thinks like we do. She believes that skin color has no effect on anything other than what shade of pageant dress might look best. She rocks her baby dolls of all colors to sleep, never giving it a thought. She has been raised staying at my parents along with her "cousins" who are actually really good friends who have brown skin. I thought all this meant we were getting it right, but I have been so wrong.
I can't keep her in a bubble where we choose to allow her to believe that racism no longer exists. We are doing a disservice to her and to our friends from different races. Years ago as a teenager, I took one of my best friends to a party. She was spending the night with me that night. We heard about a get together going on out in the county, and a guy I liked invited us to come. My parents would have never allowed us to go. We had no business going, but we went. I made the decision to take my friend. This friend happened to be black. I put her in grave danger that night because I was ignorant to the fact that when we arrived she might be targeted simply because of her skin color. It makes me sick to relive this night. She and I have exchanged text remembering it just recently. We arrived and mingled for a few minutes. She was hesitant, but she trusted me. We hadn't been there long when another girl made a comment to the guy that I shouldn't have brought the (insert disgusting explicative) and then a war broke out. They fought and were thrown through a glass window of a nearby car. I was screaming and trying to get to her. I was in horor. How could this happen? How in the world could people who don't know her do this? I had been to events like this several times, but I had never been with a black friend. I didn't think anything about taking her there. She fought and she is a tough cookie. My guy friend finally got to them and used his foot to break them up. We left. We both were covered with blood and broken glass. I remember crying. I remember apologizing. I remember her telling me, "Lee Marie, don't be stupid. People don't think like you. I love you, I swear I do, but you don't see it like some people do. The world ain't like you." She was right. I was scared and sick. She was fine, shaken but fine. How close she had come to not being. I had mistakenly thought that she was welcome wherever I was. I got a hard dose of reality that night.
My parents did a fantastic job of raising me to believe that racism is wrong, but I unfortunately also had been in a bubble where it didn't exist. That led me to make a mistake that could have turned out much worse. The world has grown increasingly more violent. I can't allow Dani Marie to continue in this bubble. In these times, she can't just live in a home where racism doesn't exist, she has to learn to leave that home and be a voice in a world where unfortunately sometimes it does. This weekend we popped the bubble. She knows the stories of the heroes who paved the way for civil rights and equal opportunities, but those are all good stories that make you feel like the world has changed and racism is gone. It's not. We told her another story this week. We explained that even after all these years, some people do evil things. They hate and hurt others because they look different. Her baby blue eyes filled with tears when I cried telling her about the murder of George Floyd. She didn't understand? It hurt her. It hurt bad. Because, she understood that George Floyd and Ahmaud Arbery could have been anyone of the people she knows and love that have brown skin. I explained to her that even though laws have changed and many, many, victories have been won in civil rights on the backs of both black and white heroes, there is still work to do. It's not the change of laws that really changes things. Not really, it's a step in the right direction, but until the hearts of people change we haven't come very far.
If we continued to let Dani Marie believe that racism doesn't exist, she might not see it when it rears its ugly head. We want her to know it's real. It's wrong. And it must be stopped. I want her to see hate for what it is. I truly believe that we can raise her in a home where racism doesn't exist, but we must educate and equip her to step out of the safety of that home and be a voice in a world where it sometimes does. Then she can see it and she can take action against it. Hate doesn't lose it's power when we create a place it doesn't exist, it loses its power when we love in spite of it. When we work together to educate and seek justice for those who are oppressed.
Don't be silent. Don't be ignorant. Racism isn't over, but I firmly believe with love and education one day it can be.
Love y'all!
