Chapter 48 - Let Your Light Shine..

Hey there! Whew.....this sure is a busy time of year. Can I get an Amen??? We have been super busy with life lately. We love it that way. Something happened today, and I knew I had to share it with y'all. Before we get to that, I have a funny story about our kindergarten priorities.


Dani Marie has now officially been a kindergartner for a full 9 weeks. She loves it! She thinks her teachers are real-life queens. She has made precious friends, and we hear lots of stories about lots of different things. And occasionally, she gets her school work finished. I'm picking, but the kindergarten social circle appeals to her much more than the daily academic tasks. She had a fantastic first report card with all satisfactory marks. Those who know me well, know that I love school. I love the challenge of a test, the satisfaction of top scores and completed tasks, and just learning in general. She enjoys it, but it's the people who really excite her. At least a couple days a week, she doesn't get in any hurry about finishing her work. She ends up having to work through recess to get it all completed. When I found this out, I about had a stroke. We had a few "family chats" as we call them around here. I reminded her how important it was to work in a timely manner and fully focus on her work. She has been itching to be Student of the Week since the very first week of school. I can't lie, I have been looking each week for the letter. Well, apparently she likes to chat a little much and work slowly. I'm an elementary teacher, y'all. This just didn't mesh at first. Here is a sample of how a few of our family chats went......

"Dani Marie, did you get to go to recess today?"

"No, ma'am, but it was fine."

"What do you mean, it was fine?"

"I'm on green. I'm not in trouble, not at all. Ms. Donna and I just stayed in together so I could finish a few things. It's fine. I love her so much. It's nice to spend alone time together, just us. I mean imagine if I hurried and finished and went out every single day. She'd get bored inside by herself!"

All I can do is shake my head at her logic. This last chat took the cake though. Her teacher brought her down to talk to me about completing her work in a timely manner. She scores well on her assessments, she is already reading and decoding, and she is super smart... but she doesn't get in any hurry about writing and completing her worksheets. I told her we would talk about it later that afternoon.

She bee bops in my room.

"Dani Marie, why didn't you finish your sheet today? What was the deal?"

"I just couldn't, Mom. My brain wouldn't  let me focus on it. It was full of something else."

"What? What was on your brain?"

Cue the sweet smile..."Well, all I could even think about was my sweet mother. You, you were on my brain and that's all I could even think about....how much I missed you, how beautiful you are...."

Wow. See what I deal with? I tried to tell her if she really wanted to be Student of the Week she would have to complete all work and quit talking. She patted my leg and told me not  to worry that she was happy for her friends like Jaxson, Austin, Ridge, and Lily. She said they work hard and that she would just be happy for them until she got her time. What can we even say to that? So, we will just continue to make little cameo appearances on our friends and cousin's (By the way congrats to Nick Garner, this week's Student of the Week!) posters until we finally get it all worked out and earn one of our own.

What is precious though, is how much she loves people. She has made wonderful friends with our custodians. She wants to get there early enough each day to help push Mr. Brown up the hill in the lunchroom with his mop bucket. She is amazed at the "chicken nugget recipe" the lunch ladies use. She has a list of people she wants to buy breakfast for each day, and she always tells me when one of her friends is sad or happy. She loves to shower faculty and staff with little treats and happies, and she knows and remembers every single person's name. She is teaching me to chill out, and to gauge success more by the relationships we build more than the accolades.

Which brings me to my main point...

We were checking out at Wal-Mart today. We had been shopping for a friend's baby shower. Dani Marie had spent what seemed like an eternity in the baby section picking out the perfect gifts. She finally selected a tub of bath toys and a baby tub. We picked out a card and ribbon, and we headed to the check-out. She immediately struck up a conversation with the cashier. The cashier asked if she was getting a new baby brother, and she told her she wasn't but her friend Tripp was. She said, "We are going to a baby shower, and we'd love for you to come." The lady chuckled and told her that she appreciated the invite but she had to work. They carried on a few more minutes. She said her good-byes, told her we would see her soon because we come to Wal-mart "a whole, whole lot"and we headed for the car.

"Momma, that lady sure was nice. Wasn't she so nice? She was such a sweet thing, I know she must love Jesus."

I was busy loading the car and almost dismissed it at first, but as I got in and buckled it really soaked in. She has learned to equate joy with Jesus. I just stared at her a minute, and you already know I cried. I love that about her. I love everything about her. We drove home, and I did some thinking and reflecting. When people encounter me, do they see Jesus? Do I radiate the joy of Jesus? I hope so, I want to. I decided to challenge myself this week to let His light shine in my conversations. This life is busy, hectic, and sometimes discouraging, but this world should have no control over our joy. That comes only from the Lord. It can't be taken by a bad day, bump in the road, or a negative person. It's ours to keep and ours to share. The kind cashier and my kindergartner reminded me today that joy reflects the Lord. There are a lot of people around us that need to see that reflection. So, let's challenge ourselves this week. This song was part of our morning worship service. As I kept thinking about what Dani Marie said the lyrics replayed in my mind.

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King... Jesus

Have a great week! Shine your light!

School pictures.....I'm in love with them!

Chapter 47: We already love you...

I haven't blogged in a while. I didn't really mean to this time, but I wrote this letter for Dani Marie's kindergarten teacher. We are so eager to find out who she will be. We can't believe we will be taking this girl for orientation on Tuesday. Technically, her daddy is taking her. I will be in 2nd grade meeting all my precious students, so he gets the solo orientation nod. Anyway, I wrote this and decided since I have shared so many special moments of our lives with y'all.... I might as well.


Dear Mrs. _____________________,

Wow, where do I even start? I guess by telling you that we already love you. I know you are having a busy day. I know you have already spent countless hours and dollars of your own getting your classroom ready. I know this because I have been in your shoes, so for all that we already love you. We have been praying for you now for quite some time. You see, Dani Marie is our daily reminder that God is good and oh, so faithful. We are thankful and honored to share her with you this year.

I want to start by telling you who she is. I know that she is one of your twenty-something students. We have really worked on keeping in perspective the "only child" thing. We remind her to treat others kindly and not be "bossy". She is so unique. She definitely dances to the beat of her own drum. She has a heart of gold. She is kind from somewhere way down deep. She will probably tell you often how pretty you are, how much she loves you, and that you "bless her little heart" for many reasons. If you could mix Minnie Mouse, an English professor, and a country singer all in one you could recreate her little voice. She keeps us laughing. She also is a warrior. I guess even from when she first arrived way too early but just on time. Her little heart quit beating twice, and those tiny paddles were used to start it back again. Her NICU paperwork details the many hurdles she jumped over from the start. From being solid blue and lifeless to breathing with the assistance of machines she started out fighting. She is strong. She's tiny, but she is strong. More than anything, she is amazingly aware that our God doesn't have limits. She is not yet calloused by the world to doubt or think that things are impossible. She keeps me in check quite often. She knows and says often that "God can do it" or "Jesus has the power" to do the impossible. You know, she's right. He uses her so often to remind me that He is still in the miracle business.

I know you will have rough days this year. I know sometimes you will be so exhausted you can't think straight. There will be times you feel unappreciated, underpaid, and defeated. You aren't...well the underpaid part is true, but the unappreciated and defeated isn't. I'm writing this and telling you because I want you to know you are prayed for. Every single morning of every day you are prayed for. Not just for your teaching or your class, but for your comfort, peace, and family. We also hope Dani Marie will share her sweet spirit with you. We hope you will get to see the amazing faith she already has. I don't know if it's just because she came straight from God's own heart, but she seems to sense when people could use a hug or just a smile. We hope she gives you those whenever you need them.

We want her to be successful. We want her to set high goals, and then work hard to reach them. We'd love for her to win reading awards, get high marks on her objectives, and exhibit outstanding behavior. I guess more than all that though, we just want her to love life. We want her to make friends and laugh often. With all that we want for her, the one thing we don't is for her to feel like she has to be perfect. We know there will be times she makes mistakes. She may break a rule or (quite probably) talk too much. Please let us know. We won't be defensive or mad, but we will support you and work to help remind her the importance of being disciplined.

Now, I have a confession. Can I just be honest for a minute? I know we told you we already love you. I hope you will grow to love us, too. I'm going to just go on and be really honest with you. I'm scared. I am. I'm someone (if you don't already know from working with me :) ) who likes to be in control. I like when things go as planned. I like to maintain control in situations, so I can manage "what could go wrong" in advance. Because of this, I'm scared. My biggest fear is for her to come home one day in tears because someone tells her I'm not her "real mom". I'm so scared for someone to break her spirit or make her feel like her life is anything less than what we have always told her....a miracle. I know the curriculum, I know y'all do a family unit. I understand that others will be sharing all about their lives. She knows she is adopted, and we celebrate it. We read stories, talk about birthmother's beautiful eyes, celebrate "Gotcha Day", and remind her how wanted she was. Unfortunately, the world doesn't always see adoption that way. Some people don't understand. I have heard people who mean well use the words "real" and "biological" interchangeably. I'm not naïve, I know the moments will come when she has questions, gets confused, or is upset. Would you do me a favor? If those moments come while she is on your watch, will you love her through them? Could you scoop her up and tell her that "real" family are the ones who love you? Please, remind her that two parents could never love her more than we do. And please, remind her that she was wanted. I guess, you see, my biggest fear is for her to feel she wasn't. I begged for her. I did. I pleaded and bargained. I begged God to make me a mom, and He sent me her. I prayed for so long he would heal my body, but His plan was better. He healed my heart. She healed my heart. Thank you sweet lady, thank you in advance for being there in the moments I won't be. You will experience so many things with her this year. For all the things you will be to her, we already love you.

 I apologize in advance, but we will read every word of every note or letter you send. It isn't because we are picking over anything. I hope it never feels that way, but it's simply because we want to soak up every single moment of this ride. We are all too aware how the lonely times seem to linger while the happy ones fly by. She is our heart, and we want to treasure every single minute of her life. With that said, let us help. I know there will be things you need, but would never want to ask for. I promise, we'd love to help. You need bandaids, stickers, extra glue, or just a Dr. Pepper for yourself, just tell us. We want to help you in any way that we can. We don't see it as a chore, on the contrary. You see the fact that "our daughter is in your class" is still something that makes our hearts skip a beat. It's amazing and breathtaking, and it still give us chills that we get the awesome privilege of doing the "parent" thing. And I still cry, almost daily. I love being her mother, and because of that I already love you.

I know you are busy, so I will end this. I just wanted to tell you that we are praying for you. We are here for you if you need us. We are excited to start this journey with you, and most of all sweet lady know that we already love you.

Ashlee and Daniel