Chapter 47: We already love you...

I haven't blogged in a while. I didn't really mean to this time, but I wrote this letter for Dani Marie's kindergarten teacher. We are so eager to find out who she will be. We can't believe we will be taking this girl for orientation on Tuesday. Technically, her daddy is taking her. I will be in 2nd grade meeting all my precious students, so he gets the solo orientation nod. Anyway, I wrote this and decided since I have shared so many special moments of our lives with y'all.... I might as well.


Dear Mrs. _____________________,

Wow, where do I even start? I guess by telling you that we already love you. I know you are having a busy day. I know you have already spent countless hours and dollars of your own getting your classroom ready. I know this because I have been in your shoes, so for all that we already love you. We have been praying for you now for quite some time. You see, Dani Marie is our daily reminder that God is good and oh, so faithful. We are thankful and honored to share her with you this year.

I want to start by telling you who she is. I know that she is one of your twenty-something students. We have really worked on keeping in perspective the "only child" thing. We remind her to treat others kindly and not be "bossy". She is so unique. She definitely dances to the beat of her own drum. She has a heart of gold. She is kind from somewhere way down deep. She will probably tell you often how pretty you are, how much she loves you, and that you "bless her little heart" for many reasons. If you could mix Minnie Mouse, an English professor, and a country singer all in one you could recreate her little voice. She keeps us laughing. She also is a warrior. I guess even from when she first arrived way too early but just on time. Her little heart quit beating twice, and those tiny paddles were used to start it back again. Her NICU paperwork details the many hurdles she jumped over from the start. From being solid blue and lifeless to breathing with the assistance of machines she started out fighting. She is strong. She's tiny, but she is strong. More than anything, she is amazingly aware that our God doesn't have limits. She is not yet calloused by the world to doubt or think that things are impossible. She keeps me in check quite often. She knows and says often that "God can do it" or "Jesus has the power" to do the impossible. You know, she's right. He uses her so often to remind me that He is still in the miracle business.

I know you will have rough days this year. I know sometimes you will be so exhausted you can't think straight. There will be times you feel unappreciated, underpaid, and defeated. You aren't...well the underpaid part is true, but the unappreciated and defeated isn't. I'm writing this and telling you because I want you to know you are prayed for. Every single morning of every day you are prayed for. Not just for your teaching or your class, but for your comfort, peace, and family. We also hope Dani Marie will share her sweet spirit with you. We hope you will get to see the amazing faith she already has. I don't know if it's just because she came straight from God's own heart, but she seems to sense when people could use a hug or just a smile. We hope she gives you those whenever you need them.

We want her to be successful. We want her to set high goals, and then work hard to reach them. We'd love for her to win reading awards, get high marks on her objectives, and exhibit outstanding behavior. I guess more than all that though, we just want her to love life. We want her to make friends and laugh often. With all that we want for her, the one thing we don't is for her to feel like she has to be perfect. We know there will be times she makes mistakes. She may break a rule or (quite probably) talk too much. Please let us know. We won't be defensive or mad, but we will support you and work to help remind her the importance of being disciplined.

Now, I have a confession. Can I just be honest for a minute? I know we told you we already love you. I hope you will grow to love us, too. I'm going to just go on and be really honest with you. I'm scared. I am. I'm someone (if you don't already know from working with me :) ) who likes to be in control. I like when things go as planned. I like to maintain control in situations, so I can manage "what could go wrong" in advance. Because of this, I'm scared. My biggest fear is for her to come home one day in tears because someone tells her I'm not her "real mom". I'm so scared for someone to break her spirit or make her feel like her life is anything less than what we have always told her....a miracle. I know the curriculum, I know y'all do a family unit. I understand that others will be sharing all about their lives. She knows she is adopted, and we celebrate it. We read stories, talk about birthmother's beautiful eyes, celebrate "Gotcha Day", and remind her how wanted she was. Unfortunately, the world doesn't always see adoption that way. Some people don't understand. I have heard people who mean well use the words "real" and "biological" interchangeably. I'm not naïve, I know the moments will come when she has questions, gets confused, or is upset. Would you do me a favor? If those moments come while she is on your watch, will you love her through them? Could you scoop her up and tell her that "real" family are the ones who love you? Please, remind her that two parents could never love her more than we do. And please, remind her that she was wanted. I guess, you see, my biggest fear is for her to feel she wasn't. I begged for her. I did. I pleaded and bargained. I begged God to make me a mom, and He sent me her. I prayed for so long he would heal my body, but His plan was better. He healed my heart. She healed my heart. Thank you sweet lady, thank you in advance for being there in the moments I won't be. You will experience so many things with her this year. For all the things you will be to her, we already love you.

 I apologize in advance, but we will read every word of every note or letter you send. It isn't because we are picking over anything. I hope it never feels that way, but it's simply because we want to soak up every single moment of this ride. We are all too aware how the lonely times seem to linger while the happy ones fly by. She is our heart, and we want to treasure every single minute of her life. With that said, let us help. I know there will be things you need, but would never want to ask for. I promise, we'd love to help. You need bandaids, stickers, extra glue, or just a Dr. Pepper for yourself, just tell us. We want to help you in any way that we can. We don't see it as a chore, on the contrary. You see the fact that "our daughter is in your class" is still something that makes our hearts skip a beat. It's amazing and breathtaking, and it still give us chills that we get the awesome privilege of doing the "parent" thing. And I still cry, almost daily. I love being her mother, and because of that I already love you.

I know you are busy, so I will end this. I just wanted to tell you that we are praying for you. We are here for you if you need us. We are excited to start this journey with you, and most of all sweet lady know that we already love you.

Ashlee and Daniel