Chapter 58: "She's too much"

 Happy September! I don't know about y'all, but the "ber" months are our favorites! We are looking forward to all things fall with eager anticipation. Quick recap.... We are now in the 4th grade! Can you even believe? This is our very last year of elementary school. Our girl is growing fast. Maybe the fact that it's such a special and sentimental year has me reflecting a little more than ever lately on our journey. You guys have been such a supportive part of that journey, so I thought I'd share my heart. 

I didn't understand being a "Momma Bear" until not too long ago. I have heard the term, and I've even seen the actions. I just didn't personally relate until I became a momma myself. It's a real thing y'all. When someone is ugly to your child, it just hits different. Come for me all day, everyday, and I can roll with it. Sometimes I shed a few tears, but I generally bounce back after giving it over to the Lord. Be ugly to my baby, well that puts me in the flesh like nothing else. I'd like to say my first reaction is forgiveness and grace, but that usually comes much later after I recover from the initial "Momma Bear" syndrome. No judgment please, I'm a work in progress, working to be more like Jesus...and stumbling a good bit along the way. Just keeping it real. 

Don't we all love when people love us well? Like genuinely love us? I'm a recovering people pleaser. I like for others to like me, but I've learned that is impossible all the time. Most people love Dani Marie. She has a contagious personality, a heart of gold, and loves people. We learned a while back that not everyone can appreciate that in a child. Someone we both thought a lot of, made some very hurtful comments about her last year. Y'all, it tore me up. One of the remarks was that, "She is too much." I mean, really? Apparently her personality was a little much for them. That's ok. It is. Dani was very sad when she realized this adult didn't really care for her "bubbliness" or her "enthusiasm". We sat and had many talks about this. We encouraged her to continue to respect this adult and to do her best to be the bigger person. We explained to her that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her personality. But y'all......I was salty. Like really? Talking about kids? Wow....Anyway as always time heals and life goes on.... I hadn't really thought about that much lately until this weekend. 

Labor Day weekend, over the years has been full of different adventures. We have been on many vacations and fun filled outings during this holiday weekend in the past. This year, the agenda was not quite as exciting. The to do list included painting our doors, deep cleaning baseboards, changing out curtains, cleaning out refrigerator and cabinets, washing walls, and other "fall cleaning" tasks. I was up early, as usual, preparing for the day. I have to be honest, I was not looking forward to this list at all. I was wishing I was vacationing at the beach or mountains or just anywhere. I was kind of in a foul mood over it. Then.....Dani Marie woke up. I explained what all was on the agenda for the day. I fully expected her to moan or say something like, "Bummer". That was the opposite of her response. She got wide eyes, like she does when she has an idea. She said, "Momma! This is going to be the best weekend EVER!" I want to help! Can I help? Just go with me on this. Let's pretend this weekend we are on our own reality tv show. Let me think......Yes, got it! Let's call it DESIGN GIRLS and let's even make shirts! Can you make us shirts on your Cricut? Oh, and we need names! Like stage names...let's start them all with E's. Let's call Granna and Papa and they can be on the team as consultants. We can facetime them. Daddy, he can be Evan, and he can have a spinoff show called "Build it Better" and he can mainly just come on to do construction or haul stuff off. He doesn't really have a tv personality, but he does good on construction. We will just show him some. We can give people tips for cleaning and updating their homes. We can tell them "how to" do it all. I'm so excited. This is going to be the best weekend." 

And you know what? It was. It really was. Edith (my stage name was a nod to my Ma Edith) and Eevee had the best weekend "filming" for Design Girls. We laughed and talked and shook our heads when Evan (Daniel) would say something we were sure would cost us viewers. Dani Marie scrubbed baseboards and picked out curtains, all while giving tips to our invisible camera crew for an audience that was all in her mind. I laid down that night, exhausted from the day, but I felt so full. I was saying my nightly prayers and I recalled that comment made about her. You know what? That person was right. She is "too much". She is "too much" of a blessing for some to appreciate or understand. Not just her, but anyone with a bright and positive energy is sometimes "too much" for others who refuse to see the glass half full. Dani Marie, from day one, has not only been strong but she has been positive. She has an encouraging spirit and a true love for life. I don't know if it comers from being thankful she was given the opportunity to live it or her genuine love for others. She loves to entertain. She loves to give tips and encouragement.  In a perfect world, everyone would see that and love her back. And she has had so many people who have over the years. We can't begin to list the people who have poured into her and encouraged her. Not everyone will though, some will do more draining than pouring into. That is ok. Maybe you are currently in Momma Bear mode because someone has hurt your child. I hope you will read this and feel encouraged. We are all "too much" or "not enough" or too this or that, or lacking this or that, for others. That's ok. God designed us each to be exactly who He wanted us to be. Others don't have to understand that, as long as we do. I know she is "too much" for them. I thanked God that night for the millionth time for choosing to deliver me from my brokeness. I prayed for so many years to be a momma. I would have settled for any way possible to make that dream come true, but I could have never imagined what God had for me. She was so much more than what I deserved or expected. Even now, nine years later I can't believe I was gifted this sweet soul. She's really "too much" and I'm thankful when I asked God to heal me, he did so much more. This weekend would have been a boring and tiring weekend, but Dani Marie doesn't do boring. She found a way to make it so much fun, and I'm still on cloud nine about it. Watch out HGTV, Design Girls is coming for ya! 

Love y'all! 

P.S. Peep the shirts :) 

Clothed in Gratefulness

 It has officially been forever and a day since I wrote a post. I miss you guys! I miss updating you on all things #tinygirlbigmiracle, but we rarely slow down. Quick stats and recap....

We just finished the 3rd grade?? Can you believe? Our girl is now a whopping 9 years old. She will be an AES senior next year. Where in the world did the time go? 

I'm currently working on going through her closets (yes, I said closets with an s) and pulling outfits to consign and donate. I'm a basketcase. Why? Because, y'all it's the outfits for me. They get me EVERY single time. 

Years before Dani Marie danced into our lives, I'd always notice the tiny onesies and outfits everywhere we went. Early in our season of waiting, I purchased a couple of things. I remember a specific pair of shoes and a 1st Christmas outfit. I didn't really get it way back then, but looking back now I see it all so clearly. For me, those tiny outfits have always represented the hope of a little one to fill them. I know for some people it is other things. I think photographs, birthdays, etc. that really represent special milestones. For me, it has always been the outfits. 

Friends have jokingly told us that they have never seen Dani Marie in the same thing twice. She is always themed out for every occasion. We take great care and lots of time picking out her new bathing suits, holiday "costumes", even graphic tees these days. Over the years, this has spilled into Dani Marie. She puts lots of thought and effort into what she wears. One of her favorite terms is "on trend" and she loves to model a fur vest, fashionable print, or sparkly hair accessory. She is finding her own style. 

I love that she loves fashion. I have always encouraged her to pursue that passion. She, even at a young age, values her wardrobe. It's not in a superficial way. It's in a sweet and grateful way. She knows that the handmade items cost more and they mean the most to her. She values the time put in to create one of a kind, "custom" pieces. She has learned which colors best compliment her skin tone. Fabric texture and quality if so important to her. "It might be cute, but if it makes me itch...its a firm no for me!"That is still one of my favorite phrases to have come out of her mouth.Thanks to her Aunt Am, she even realizes that a change in accessories can dress up or down an outfit. She is a true fashionista, and I'm here for it. 

This brings us to this morning. I am weeding out things that even though they may fit, no longer work for her style. Tears are flowing, because outfits are always such a tangible reminder to me how precious time really is, and that once it is gone..you can't get it back.She no longer wants to wear smocked dresses. She has outgrown them. The stack is high, y'all. It's full of 24 smocked dresses. I look at it and I see them. I don't see just smocked dresses. I see Thanksgiving lunch spent with Daniel's family, and now with his grandmother's health declining that dress is even more special to me. I see her first performance in a church choir, a special Chick-Fil-A date with her daddy that she insisted they overdress for, Easter egg hunts after church, preschool graduation, awards ceremonies, and so much more. I realize as I tag these outfits, that I will no longer be seeing her as the true definition of a little southern girl in pearls and smocked dress and it is a tough pill to swallow. 

Other outfits that will no longer be spotted in her closets or on our girl are her Disney princess outfits. She has every single one and a Minnie Mouse boutique costume to boot. To the average eye, they look like Bippity Boppity Boutique overstock, but not to me. That stack holds all the memories of her planning out which princess she might bump into at her favorite place, Disney World. She made us pack every dress into our backpacks each vacation, just in case she bumped into someone. She would not hear of meeting Jasmine in Epcot without her outfit to slip on for a photo op. The time she went to dine with the Snow White crew, the Evil Queen herself asked her, "Was the outfit not enough? You had to have "HER" on your necklace, too?" This said in reference to the fact that Dani Marie was dressed as Snow White with a figurine on her bubble gum necklace to match. We will most likely continue making trips to Disney, but she has too quickly outgrown her princess dresses. 

Ruffle pants, party dresses, and giant bows are all being retired. She now prefers a graphic tee, "but only the ones with a positive vibe" and character hoodies. Pink is no longer her signature color, it's been replaced by red. Scrunchies and headbands are her new staple. 

As I sit here, I'm so emotional. I have cried tears this morning, because the "little girl" season has passed way too quickly. I did the same thing when I packed away baby outfits and toddler fashion items. I mourned the passing of our baby season. I had no idea that the "little girl" season would be even more fun. We made so many memories in these outfits. I will miss seeing her in them for sure, but if I close my eyes just long enough I can still see her twirl in her Cinderella dress like it was yesterday. I'm crying, but I'm not mourning. I'm full of gratefulness and eagerly embracing the next season. I have learned that they each pass in the blink of an eye, so while her "preteen" years seem to be coming faster than I could have ever imagined, I'm ready to soak every single day up. The truth of the matter is, prom fashion, graduation robes, and wedding dresses will all likely come much sooner than we would like to think. So, for now I will say goodbye to these "little girl" outfits and kiss her sweet face (much later this morning when the sleepy head finally wakes) and soak up all that this current season has to offer. 

Y'all weren't lying when you said they grow up way too fast. Wheeewwww.... it is so true. This summer, we have all kinds of plans. It is the very last "elementary summer" for our girl. I think we will make it a good one. Love y'all lots!