Chapter 26- This World

Chapter 26 – This World

Happy Hump Day!!! I hope you are all having a great week.

Something is weighing heavy on my heart tonight, so why not share it with y’all!

I will start with the good news….. Dani Marie, after about a month of saying, “Dada, Dada” finally said, “Ma Ma, Ma Ma”. It was such sweet music to my ears. Softball season is underway, and my team played our first double header Tuesday night. This meant the only time I laid eyes on my daughter while she was awake was during the 10 minute drive to my mom and dad’s house before school. Daniel told me that night when he had her she was saying, “Ma, Ma”. I kind of dismissed it, thinking maybe he was pulling my leg to help my feelings.  The next morning when I turned on her light to wake my sleepy head up, I said, “Hey my Dani Ree Ree!!”, and then she did it. She lifted her arms and said, “ Hey Ma Ma!” Plain as day. You guessed it, I cried!!!!  Her face so sweet and innocent, so precious……

 

This brings me to the more discouraging issue. Recently, I have had my eyes opened to how cruel this world can be. Sometimes I get wrapped up in living in my little miracle bubble, and the world seems like a wonderful place. I think seeing God’s hand work so closely in my life, has caused me to look for the good in all things now. This is a blessing and at times a curse.

I want to believe I am raising this tiny lady in a world that is good and safe. A world where people are good, and where they follow the golden rule. People seek to serve, and they don’t look to throw stones. A world slow to judge and quick to defend. A world where people seek to find the good in others, not rejoice in malicious attacks of their neighbor. Sadly, this is not the world we live in.

How do you prepare those innocent sweet eyes, for the world? My heart already breaks for the first time that those big beautiful eyes fill with tears over the betrayal of a friend, the hurtful words of a classmate, or the negative comments of another. I don’t want her spirit broken. I want to protect her from hurt.

How? I wish I could keep her right where she is now, so she never knows hurt.

I’m scared. I’m scared to death of what will come.

I was feeling defeated and terrified earlier today. The adult issues I deal with reminding me just how mean people can be. Dani Marie’s testimony has touched so many people. Literally hundreds of people have reached out to us and told us how inspired they were by her story. Each time I receive an email, phone call, or meet someone who has heard her story~I’m reminded how good our God is. He took the mess I was, the mistakes I have made, the human faults I have and he chose to use me and the struggle to help tell of his love. His grace, mercy, and goodness, I feel so unworthy at times. I have to be honest, there are still times when I feel undeserving of this gift. The devil has had a big time with these feelings this week. He has used the hurtful words and whispers and false judgments of others to remind me of some of the most painful moments on my journey to motherhood. Moments that still feel at times like open wounds. It makes me discouraged and disappointed in people. I was letting these feelings get the best of me when I went to scripture tonight. As always, God’s word did not disappoint. I read verse after verse that reminded me that even though people can try to stay in the way of God’s will and his powerful witness, He will prevail. I looked at Judas, who betrayed Jesus. God used that evil to bring about the greatest good.

If I have learned anything over the last year, it’s that God still uses people for His will. He still heals, He still performs miracles. He hasn’t given up on “people” yet. He still looks down at this cruel world that has turned so far from him, and finds the good.

This encourages me tonight. When it feels like people rejoice in evil and try to tear down what God has built up, I know what I need to do. My first reaction was fear. Afraid for this world to corrupt those huge innocent blue-eyes, but then I realize that it’s those bright blue innocent eyes that should remind me that there is still good in this world. There is still hope. My first reaction is to teach my daughter to be defensive and build walls to protect her from being hurt. That is not right. Instead, I need to teach her that even though the world may be cruel and hurt, love is still the greatest weapon we have. The devil and people who run others down in order to build themselves up, they don’t see that. They have to live in fear. Their strength may come from the destruction of others, but it is only temporary. We as Christians know that this world is not our home. We know how the story ends. God wins. Love wins. There is still good in people. It may seem rare, hard to find at times, but it is there. So, as hard as it may be, I won’t teach her to fear, to protect, to guard herself from others, but I will teach her to love, to search for good, to forgive, to hope, and who knows maybe instead of this world changing the innocence in her eyes, her innocence will change the world.

I’m clinging to this verses tonight.

Rom 12:2: Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

 

John 16:33: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

 

Parenting is a learning experience! Prayers appreciated J

Love you all!