Chapter 26 – This World
Happy Hump Day!!! I hope you are all having a great week.
Something is weighing heavy on my heart tonight, so why not
share it with y’all!
I will start with the good news….. Dani Marie, after about a
month of saying, “Dada, Dada” finally said, “Ma Ma, Ma Ma”. It was such sweet
music to my ears. Softball season is underway, and my team played our first
double header Tuesday night. This meant the only time I laid eyes on my
daughter while she was awake was during the 10 minute drive to my mom and dad’s
house before school. Daniel told me that night when he had her she was saying, “Ma,
Ma”. I kind of dismissed it, thinking maybe he was pulling my leg to help my
feelings. The next morning when I turned
on her light to wake my sleepy head up, I said, “Hey my Dani Ree Ree!!”, and
then she did it. She lifted her arms and said, “ Hey Ma Ma!” Plain as day. You guessed
it, I cried!!!! Her face so sweet and
innocent, so precious……
This brings me to the more discouraging issue. Recently, I
have had my eyes opened to how cruel this world can be. Sometimes I get wrapped
up in living in my little miracle bubble, and the world seems like a wonderful
place. I think seeing God’s hand work so closely in my life, has caused me to
look for the good in all things now. This is a blessing and at times a curse.
I want to believe I am raising this tiny lady in a world
that is good and safe. A world where people are good, and where they follow the
golden rule. People seek to serve, and they don’t look to throw stones. A world
slow to judge and quick to defend. A world where people seek to find the good
in others, not rejoice in malicious attacks of their neighbor. Sadly, this is
not the world we live in.
How do you prepare those innocent sweet eyes, for the world?
My heart already breaks for the first time that those big beautiful eyes fill
with tears over the betrayal of a friend, the hurtful words of a classmate, or
the negative comments of another. I don’t want her spirit broken. I want to
protect her from hurt.
How? I wish I could keep her right where she is now, so she
never knows hurt.
I’m scared. I’m scared to death of what will come.
I was feeling defeated and terrified earlier today. The
adult issues I deal with reminding me just how mean people can be. Dani Marie’s
testimony has touched so many people. Literally hundreds of people have reached
out to us and told us how inspired they were by her story. Each time I receive
an email, phone call, or meet someone who has heard her story~I’m reminded how
good our God is. He took the mess I was, the mistakes I have made, the human
faults I have and he chose to use me and the struggle to help tell of his love.
His grace, mercy, and goodness, I feel so unworthy at times. I have to be
honest, there are still times when I feel undeserving of this gift. The devil
has had a big time with these feelings this week. He has used the hurtful words
and whispers and false judgments of others to remind me of some of the
most painful moments on my journey to motherhood. Moments that still feel at
times like open wounds. It makes me discouraged and disappointed in people. I
was letting these feelings get the best of me when I went to scripture tonight.
As always, God’s word did not disappoint. I read verse after verse that
reminded me that even though people can try to stay in the way of God’s will
and his powerful witness, He will prevail. I looked at Judas, who betrayed
Jesus. God used that evil to bring about the greatest good.
If I have learned anything over the last year, it’s that God
still uses people for His will. He still heals, He still performs miracles. He
hasn’t given up on “people” yet. He still looks down at this cruel world that
has turned so far from him, and finds the good.
This encourages me tonight. When it feels like people rejoice
in evil and try to tear down what God has built up, I know what I need to do.
My first reaction was fear. Afraid for this world to corrupt those huge innocent
blue-eyes, but then I realize that it’s those bright blue innocent eyes that
should remind me that there is still good in this world. There is still hope.
My first reaction is to teach my daughter to be defensive and build walls to
protect her from being hurt. That is not right. Instead, I need to teach her
that even though the world may be cruel and hurt, love is still the greatest
weapon we have. The devil and people who run others down in order to build
themselves up, they don’t see that. They have to live in fear. Their strength may
come from the destruction of others, but it is only temporary. We as Christians
know that this world is not our home. We know how the story ends. God wins.
Love wins. There is still good in people. It may seem rare, hard to find at
times, but it is there. So, as hard as it may be, I won’t teach her to fear, to
protect, to guard herself from others, but I will teach her to love, to search for
good, to forgive, to hope, and who knows maybe instead of this world changing
the innocence in her eyes, her innocence will change the world.
I’m clinging to this verses tonight.
Rom 12:2: Do
not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the
renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s
will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
John 16:33:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world
you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Parenting is a learning experience! Prayers
appreciated J
Love you all!
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