Chapter 31: Walking and Waiting

Chapter 31: Walking and Waiting J

                Hello there!!! I feel like it has been a lifetime since I shared with y’all. I hope each of you are doing well. I have some big news…..

We are walking!!! I mean full-out walking! It is so precious to watch. She has been toddling just a tad for about a month, but the last couple of weeks our lady has really taken off. I’m telling y’all, chasing after this girl is the best diet I have been on.

Needless to say the past few weeks have been full of following Dani Marie around the house. Her huge personality is really beginning to shine. She wakes up smiling and continues to grin all day long. She is such a social butterfly. Everywhere we go she waves and tells anyone who will stop to listen, “ Hey, hey there!” She has gone from being our tiny baby to our bubbly, independent, and mobile toddler. It’s amazing how quickly time passes.

Today Dani Marie had a blood test done. Let me back up a little bit…… Dani Marie’s birth parents are amazing. We only met them one time, but they were so thoughtful and attentive in their preparation for our adoption. Even at a young age they both exhibited maturity far beyond their years. As the final papers were being signed, both parents filled out a complete medical history. This allowed us to be made aware of a condition that Dani Marie’s birth father had. I won’t go into the details, but it’s a type of blood disorder. The disorder is hereditary, so Dani Marie has a chance of having it. She was tested today. The lab told us the pathologist would need to review the results, so it could be as late as Monday before we know anything.

Monday!!!! Really? I want to be honest. I was so anxious before, during, and after the test.  It was just a little blood test, but it was on my baby. I mean, stick me all day long, but medical testing on my baby…I’m not a fan. We knew that we would need to get the testing done as soon as Dani Marie was old enough. We knew this was coming, but it still doesn’t make the anxiety any better. I kept repeating in my mind today, “Be anxious for nothing” I know my sweet God was calling that scripture to my mind. When I inquired about when we would know the results, I was hoping for today or possibly tomorrow. Monday????? My initial thought was, “ Oh no, I will worry and have anxiety all weekend.” As I drove away from the hospital though, I talked to God. One thing that I have learned over the past few years is that it is vital for Christians to keep things in perspective. When I thought of it as, I’m waiting on test results…important test results, that potentially have the ability to alter Dani Marie’s quality of life, I mean if she does have the disorder, would it be mild? Severe? Moderate? When would we know? What happens then? I was overwhelmed and afraid, and I was so anxious. I stopped myself. I knew that feeling so well. It was almost too familiar to me. I lived in that state for years. It was that feeling of needing to know, needing an immediate answer, waiting on tests, results, doctors. That got me nowhere. I spent years doing that. Pushing away the One who held all the answers. I promised myself this would be different. I reminded myself that I am not waiting on test results, I am waiting on God to reveal the next step in His plan. A peace came over me. It felt good to just let go of the worry. I felt almost silly. Ashlee, have you not learned? Surely you of all people know that God’s plan is perfect. He knew Dani Marie long before you did. He knit her together in her birthmother’s womb to become your daughter. He knew way back in the beginning of your struggle that your answer would come. Even when you cried to Him in anger, screamed at Him in rage, turned away from Him in doubt, he was preparing the way for His precious gift. Have you not learned that drugs, doctors, and test results don’t decide your future? They are merely a tool used as God reveals His will.

 Psalms 27:14 - Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

My prayer tonight:

God strengthen my heart. Remind me over the next few days that I am not waiting on test results. I am waiting to hear from you. I have learned that you are mighty to deliver us. I pray for the results we are hoping for. I pray that your mighty hand covered Dani Marie and protected her from inheriting this medical condition, but God tonight I pray your will be done. I know you hold the future, I know even if you don’t deliver us from this, You will give us the strength to handle what comes next. You are my King, I will ever praise you!

Amen

I just wanted to share where I find myself tonight. I know that like us so many of you find yourself waiting. I hope you too will cling to God’s promises.

Please lift our precious miracle in your prayers once again. Over the next few days, if you think of it please remember us in prayer. I will update you with the results soon, but as for now…We wait, and there is comfort in knowing just Who we are waiting on.

Goodnight!

Love you all!