Chapter 12 ( Nursery )

I am so sorry I haven't posted lately! Things have been wild, exciting, and just plain fun! I will start by updating you on ladybug. She now weighs......get ready..... 4 lbs and 5.7 oz. Can you believe that? She is growing so fast. She is up to taking 50 ml in her bottle every 4 hours. She sucks the bottle dry, and then looks around like, "Can I get a refill?" We laugh and laugh at our sweet, hungry girl.

She took her car seat test today. They strap her in tight and monitor her heart rate for 30 minutes. She passed the test with flying colors. Did we expect any less? She will be having a hearing screen done later tonight. This is all a big green light pointing toward the fact that...........We are getting ready to come home very soon!!!!


We were hoping it would be this week, but it looks more like maybe early next week! It should only be a matter of days now. Which is exciting and a little scary. We are spoiled to high-tech monitors and nurses who know what they are doing, the thought of taking her home with "just us".......Untrained, far from professionals.....Ok, that will make your stomach flip. I know we have plenty of people who will help us figure it all out. We will be fine...Right? We will be fine, We will be fine, ( I just repeat this to myself for motivational purposes.)

So, when we bought our house years ago right before we got married we fell in love with this little room on the right of the hallway. We knew it would make the perfect nursery. It had light brown walls and the cutest little white shelf running along the top of the room. We envisioned stuffed animals and children's books distributed all around the shelf. We have left the door shut to that room for years. I thought of painting it once or twice, I even tried to make it into a guest bedroom. Nothing seemed to fit. We would leave it empty, then we would decide to try to fill it up with other things, but nothing ever felt right. Sometimes I would just walk in and cry. I thought of taking a hammer to that cute, little white shelf more than a few times. It just seemed to be a reminder of what was missing from our home.....

We finally got the opportunity to do just the makeover that room needed! Thank goodness I kept the light brown walls and talked myself out of demolishing that little shelf. Turns out it does make the perfect nursery, we always knew that part, but what we never realized is, we weren't waiting for the nursery to complete our home, we needed Dani Marie to complete our family. A nursery? Well, that is just icing on the cake!

Enjoy the pics.........

Chapter 11 - Words for the Heart

Two things

1. We weigh 4 lbs. 1.1 ounces! That sounds and looks so much bigger than 2 lbs. I am in love with Dani Marie's chubby cheeks. They are precious. She is now taking a bottle at EVERY feeding. Can you believe how far we have come in 6 weeks? God is so Good!

2. My sister hands me a gift bag the other day. She told me it was "a little happy".
I look inside the bag to find a framed poem. It read.....

Late into the night two women bow their heads to pray.
Each of them not knowing how to face another day.
To the same God their hearts are made known
The burdens within them, they shoulder alone.

One woman and her husband have a whole life they wish to share.
She just doesn't know how many more days she can bear,
Of empty arms and crying herself to sleep,
Surely, it would end if God could hear her plea.

The other woman, worlds away
Feels the tears start as she bows her head to pray.
She already loves this little one too much to handle any other way.
How would this work? What would she do? All she can do is pray.

Our God is a loving God, the Creator, our Father,
He can heal broken hearts and grant Peace like no other.
For see God had orchestrated the master plan,
He was just waiting for the women to take his hand.

On April 12, everything fell into place,
As these two women witnessed God's grace.
One woman prayed over this amazing little girl.
She prayed that God would give her the world.

She cried her tears and made her plans,
Knowing without a doubt, it was God that guided her hands.
The other woman's broken heart was healed,
She was made a mother, as the tiny baby's fate was sealed.

Late into the night two women bow their heads to pray.
Each of them now knowing just how to face each day.
With a God that cares so much to heal the tiniest hurts,
Such a special plan for such a tiny one's unexpected birth.

Written by : Amber Garner

Wow!!!! Can you say tears? Yes, again with the tears. I was blown away. This poem fit our situation so perfectly. It was such a reminder that God is the one who set this whole plan into motion. As amazed as we are at the amazing and rapid progress Dani Marie is making, we know that it is God who has guided her all along the way. His healing hands have never left her side. Long before she was born, even 6 years ago when we started our long journey to have a child, God knew that Dani Marie was destined for greatness. He knew her story, because he wrote it. It's a story that I know I will never grow tired of hearing.

I'm so thankful for "Aunt Amber" and the words she wrote. Words that we will cherish as we reflect for years to come on God's greatest blessing in our lives.

Goodnight, sleep tight

Chapter 10 - Tiny Fashionista

WE DID IT!!! Dani Marie was moved into an open crib. This means she is now putting her tremendously large for someone so small wardrobe to use. We love it! This means we get to cuddle her more. I have to tell you just how this all came about....

Monday afternoon I left from school and drove to our home away from home (The NICU) to meet my husband. He had already spent the morning with Dani Marie (compliments of Toyota's swing shift). Her temperature had been going up a little as the bed heated to warm her tiny body. She was scheduled to get a new bed, and possibly an open crib this coming Saturday. The nurse decided it couldn't possibly hurt to just ask our doctor about moving into an open crib early. She called him and he said.....

"No, she is still too small. We usually don't try them in the open crib until they are a little older. She is still only 32 weeks."

The nurse came and told us the news. We understood completely even though we were a little discouraged.

Five minutes later the phone rings. It is the doctor.

He tells the nurse, " Well, you know since we don't know exactly how old she is and she took her bottle earlier than we usually try it, let's give it a try. If we need to go back to the old bed we will."

Well, guess who held her temp up?????? That's right, Dani Marie.

I'm learning so much from this little lady. I love the fact that she refuses to believe that she is "too small" to do anything and that reminds us all just how big our God is.

So, here is our fashionista modeling her very first outfit! Enjoy the pics!

Chapter 9 (Just Thankful….)

What a wild week this has been! I’m sure it has been for so many of you as well. Summer is so close we can smell it, school is winding down, graduations, etc. I wanted to start by giving everyone an update on our sweet girl. She is up to 3lbs 10.4 ounces! Wow, right? She is taking a bottle every other feeding and will hopefully be moving to an open crib soon! Moving to an open crib means she will get to wear clothes!!!!I know that may not seem huge to most people, but we are so looking forward to snuggling her up in a cute little onesie. I have to admit, I’m not the most girly girl (shocker right?) Pink has never really been my color, but there is something about these cute little pink and purple footed, soft, precious , tiny outfits that makes my heart skip a beat. We are hard at work on Project Nursery! I plan to post pictures within the next few days.

You got to check out the newest picture of her! Look closely, because…yes that is a double chin! We love it!!!

I love writing this blog, and the response to it has been so amazing! I really love getting to share Dani’s story, God’s faithfulness, and my thoughts. I’ve been feeling pretty excited about being able to put these events in words. The truth of the matter is, my husband actually probably has done a better job summing up the whole experience.

For those of you who know Daniel, you know he is a man of very few words. (unless you are talking about the latest golf match, the buck you bagged, or the football score) I do most of the talking for our family, but he did the most magnificent job of describing the past 5 weeks. It happened this week, we had to fill out a good bit of paper work as part of our adoption process. We each had questions and bios to do. I decided that I had better proof or at least glance over Daniel’s part. Most of his answers were pretty to the point and far from wordy.  I came to the last question on the third page.  It was short, but so on point. The question…..

12. How do you feel about your struggle with infertility now that you are adopting?

His answer: Thankful, just thankful. We had to go through it to get to Dani, so I’m so thankful .

I read it probably fifty times. That one short answer seemed to hit the nail right on the head. I knew I felt that way, but I didn’t know we could just simply answer such a complex question. I was fumbling for words to describe every detail of our entire journey, when really all that needed to be said is ……Thankful, just thankful!

So tonight, in the words of my wonderful husband, I’m just thankful. Thankful for everything and everyone who has helped us be who we are and where we are. Thankful for a growing girl, who was made for us! Thankful for everything.

Love you all!!!!

Chapter 8 ( I won't forget )

I won’t forget

 

Today is my first Mother’s Day as a mother, but it is not my first Mother’s Day. I’m so thankful that the Lord is allowing me to remember that. This is a wonderfully blissful day for me today! My daughter has made this day something to celebrate. The Lord is also calling to my mind and heart this morning, last Mother’s Day.

Last Mother’s Day, I was so conflicted about whether  I could even drag myself to church. Our church was celebrating baby dedication on Mother’s Day. I agonized over getting out of bed that Sunday morning a year ago. Could I hold back the tears? Would I be able to stomach the pain? Would the loneliness  show on my face? At the last minute, God gave me the strength to get up and go. I decided that I wanted to go for my mother. She loves having her children at church with her.

I sat in church that day with a broken heart. As sweet babies were dedicated, mothers stood in recognition, roses were given out. I did the best I could to hide it, but I felt forgotten and defeated.

My mother called me after church, she told me how much she loved me. She said, “ Ashlee, sweet baby girl, I am so proud of how strong you tried to be today. You came to church, because you thought I needed you there, Please, don’t ever feel like you have to do that again. My heart breaks to see you fight falling apart. I totally understand if you need to just stay home next year.” I had decided that there was no way I could go this year,

BUT as we all know, God had different plans. My heart has been healed, and I am celebrating this wonderful day as a brand new mom. With that said, I am strangely thankful for last Mother’s Day as well. God used it to teach me, that this holiday can cut like a knife for some.

I will celebrate today, but I will not do so insensitively.

This morning I will be down on my knees asking God to guard and protect the hearts of the people who will be in pain today. I’ll be praying for the friend who lost her mother this year. I know this day will be lonely for her. I will be praying for the friends who will never get to meet their babies, because they lost them this year. I know that as happy as I am to be able to hold my daughter today, somewhere her birth mother is sitting with empty, unselfish arms. Without her willingness to sacrifice, to unselfishly give me the greatest gift, I would be as broken hearted today as I was a year ago.

God has blessed me with the most amazing Mother’s Day gift, but I won’t forget about the people who want to stay in bed today. You may be one of those people who are hurting. If you are, please know that I am praying for you. God can give you strength even before he sees fit to reveal his answers. I will never forget this wonderful Mother’s Day, but I won’t let myself forget the last one either. I will forever be sensitive the pain of some. I hope as you read this that your mom is still living, I hope your children will still fill your home ( or a local restaurant) in celebration today, but I know that the truth is some of you will probably barely be able to stomach the holiday. For all of you, I will be praying too.

Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

Whatever today holds for you, remember that blessed be the name of the Lord.

Chapter 7 ( My Diaper Bag Moment!)

We are having a fantastic week! I hope you are as well. I have taken leave from work, and I am sure enjoying the extra moments with my little lady. I think that extra time is agreeing with her pretty well since she is now tipping the scales at a hefty 2 lbs. 14.2 ounces! You may not believe this but we are actually getting the cutest little round cheeks you could ever imagine. Well, don't take my word for it........

I know right??? I could stare at her picture all day, but then I wouldn't get the blog finished......
Moving on,

We have our eye exam today! Thanks to all our friends, family, and readers we feel like she will be plenty prayed up. Thank you so much!

I have to share a moment that made this whole wonderful ordeal really hit home for me. A sweet friend had given me a gift certificate to a cute local boutique that specializes in children's items. One of those awesome cute little stores that I used to only shop in for my nieces. I decided I would use it to get a diaper bag. I walk in look around, pick out a bag, second guess it for 15 minutes, look at another, then go back to the one I originally fell in love with, and finally make up my mind that I am getting it. So, as I'm standing in line about to check out, it dawns on me. Ashlee Martin, here you stand in line buying a diaper bag, A DIAPER BAG! It isn't for your sister, nor your best friend, it isn't for someone at church's shower, it is for YOUR DAUGHTER! It all hit me like a ton of bricks! Don't ask me why it took a diaper bag, to make it all click in my mind and me fully understand how much this past month has changed my mind. I have no clue, but I know after I paid for the diaper bag and drove away my heart smiled. I guess the diaper bag just made it hit home for me that very soon we would actually get to bring our miracle home and she would need diapers, wipes, and the 100 other things moms seem to get to fit in that bag.

Tears, ( I know it's a wonder I'm not dehydrated yet, right? ) Tears, the happy kind, the best kind started falling. I drove to my mother's house and I showed her the diaper bag and we both just stopped a second and really soaked in the moment.

God is so good! I'm so thankful this week for your prayers, our progress, and a diaper bag!
Love you!

Chapter 6 (The Best Medicine )

Chapter 6 (The Best Medicine )

Ok, sorry for the long absence. My hands have been pretty full with a very tiny girl! This post just reflects how I have been feeling this week. I want to take a second and just share with you the wonderful progress that my sweet girl is making. She was born at roughly 27 weeks. Full-term is usually 37-40 weeks, so she came a little over 2 months early. Many preemies born at this age stay on a ventilator for days or even weeks before they are able to breathe on their own. Dani Marie was only on a ventilator for 16 hours. She only received supplemental oxygen for about 2 days. Since that time she has been breathing completely on her own. She no longer requires any type of iv fluid and her feedings have increased from 2 ml every 3 hours to 22 ml!!! She was born weighing 2 lbs. 4 oz, and she lost down to 2 lbs. She has been picking up some weight and is now weighing in at a whooping 2lbs. 11 oz. The doctors and nurses have been so good to us! They are constantly telling us how well Dani is doing and they are some of her greatest cheerleaders.

 We had to stop google searches on preemies, because it will scare you to death. When we first got Dani, we worried about how she would do. She was so tiny and seemed fragile and frail. As we sit with her day after day, night after night, we have learned to see her for who she really is. She is still small, but she is growing every day. She is far from frail; in fact I can only hope to be half as tough as she is in my lifetime. She has shown us that even the smallest person we have ever been privileged enough to lay eyes on can possess the greatest strength and desire to live that we could ever imagine. It was almost as if she told me in those first few seconds of admiring her, “ Mommy, don’t you know you can’t judge a book by its cover? I’m small, but I’m strong. Don’t worry about me, haven’t you learned that the creator of the heavens and earth is my physician? If God is with me, who can be against me?”   When I look at her, I can hear the lyrics to a song that our former music minister Bro. Kenny used to sing…

Somebody's praying; I can feel it
Somebody's praying for me.
Mighty hands are guiding me
To protect me from what I can't see
Lord I believe, Lord I believe
That somebody's praying for me.

Angels are watching; I can feel it
Angels are watching over me.

There's many miles ahead till I get home
Still I'm safely kept before your throne
Cuz Lord I believe, Lord I believe
Your angels are watching over me.

The prayers of YOU are what have helped her beat the odds and surpass expectations. There truly is power in prayer, and for sweet Dani Marie it has been a healing power. I know there are many long days and nights ahead, but we will take them one at a time. Our next big milestone will be our eye exam on Wednesday. I once again petition your prayers on behalf of my daughter. I’m not worried anymore; I’m incredibly at peace even though I have no control. I know that somebody’s praying every moment of every day for our “miracle”! J

I’m humbled, honored, and amazed at this journey!

Love you all!