Chapter 8 ( I won't forget )

I won’t forget

 

Today is my first Mother’s Day as a mother, but it is not my first Mother’s Day. I’m so thankful that the Lord is allowing me to remember that. This is a wonderfully blissful day for me today! My daughter has made this day something to celebrate. The Lord is also calling to my mind and heart this morning, last Mother’s Day.

Last Mother’s Day, I was so conflicted about whether  I could even drag myself to church. Our church was celebrating baby dedication on Mother’s Day. I agonized over getting out of bed that Sunday morning a year ago. Could I hold back the tears? Would I be able to stomach the pain? Would the loneliness  show on my face? At the last minute, God gave me the strength to get up and go. I decided that I wanted to go for my mother. She loves having her children at church with her.

I sat in church that day with a broken heart. As sweet babies were dedicated, mothers stood in recognition, roses were given out. I did the best I could to hide it, but I felt forgotten and defeated.

My mother called me after church, she told me how much she loved me. She said, “ Ashlee, sweet baby girl, I am so proud of how strong you tried to be today. You came to church, because you thought I needed you there, Please, don’t ever feel like you have to do that again. My heart breaks to see you fight falling apart. I totally understand if you need to just stay home next year.” I had decided that there was no way I could go this year,

BUT as we all know, God had different plans. My heart has been healed, and I am celebrating this wonderful day as a brand new mom. With that said, I am strangely thankful for last Mother’s Day as well. God used it to teach me, that this holiday can cut like a knife for some.

I will celebrate today, but I will not do so insensitively.

This morning I will be down on my knees asking God to guard and protect the hearts of the people who will be in pain today. I’ll be praying for the friend who lost her mother this year. I know this day will be lonely for her. I will be praying for the friends who will never get to meet their babies, because they lost them this year. I know that as happy as I am to be able to hold my daughter today, somewhere her birth mother is sitting with empty, unselfish arms. Without her willingness to sacrifice, to unselfishly give me the greatest gift, I would be as broken hearted today as I was a year ago.

God has blessed me with the most amazing Mother’s Day gift, but I won’t forget about the people who want to stay in bed today. You may be one of those people who are hurting. If you are, please know that I am praying for you. God can give you strength even before he sees fit to reveal his answers. I will never forget this wonderful Mother’s Day, but I won’t let myself forget the last one either. I will forever be sensitive the pain of some. I hope as you read this that your mom is still living, I hope your children will still fill your home ( or a local restaurant) in celebration today, but I know that the truth is some of you will probably barely be able to stomach the holiday. For all of you, I will be praying too.

Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

Whatever today holds for you, remember that blessed be the name of the Lord.